How to be dating in six months or your money back…

I’m a little behind on this saga but new advancements today were the catalyst I needed to write this blog series.

Ever since I can remember, since kindergarten at least when I had my first kiss (on the cheek counts, right?), I have wanted to find a wicked handsome guy to get married to. College was particularly a struggle because in high school when I didn’t find anyone worthy of taking me to prom, much less being my boyfriend, I was convinced I would meet my future husband on my first day of college and we’d fall madly in love and get married the day after graduation. Clearly I had it all worked out.

Well when they didn’t happen I was at a loss for what to do. And then when I was only pursued a couple times throughout my four years of college, both of which ended not terribly amicably, I again was at a loss for what to do. I pride myself on being incredibly independent, and a confident initiator, and yet long for a man to pursue me and show how much I’m worth it.  As you can imagine this can come off contradictory and has certainly gotten me in trouble in my dating life.

I was two years out of college and made no more progress toward my life goal of getting married until 6 months ago my dating life took an incredible jump in activity and it isn’t slowing down any time soon. This is largely in part due to a book my brother recommended I check out. How to find a date worth keeping is written by Christian psychologist Dr. Henry Cloud. Through his several years of research, speaking engagements and spending quality time with young singles and newlyweds, he has come up with a theory about finding a spouse and in turn a 6 month “dating program” for singles to partake in to grow as a person while seeking a future spouse.

I have committed to working through this dating program and will be recording my experiences here. I will change all of the suitors names so they can remain anonymous.

Welcome to the journey.


Musings of a Singleton on Valentine’s Day

During the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day I kept forgetting it was coming up, and even on Thursday I kept forgetting it was Valentine’s Day. The women in the community got all dressed up for the day, made dinner together and snuggled up to watch The Incredibles. (We all decided it was best not to watch an overtly romantic movie). All in all it was just what we needed.

Disclaimer: I don’t know if anyone will care about what I am about to share, but I just wanted to “put it on paper” for at least myself, and hopefully one or two other people might find this enlightening.

My roommate helped me discover something really interesting about my prayer life. Some people relate to God as father, brother, or friend, but I relate best to him as lover. I feel that my biggest struggle with placing things before God is desiring a relationship with a man more than I desire one with God.

I have such a soft spot for love songs, but especially R&B love songs. They just get right to the core of one’s desires and thoughts and feelings about love and they don’t mince words. It’s “Imma tell you exactly how I feel about you to the whole world.” Amen, Beyonce, you do that. (PS. Blog post on her to come). Lately, as I am consciously trying to look to God in times of longing for love, the best way I can do that is sing/listen to love songs, imagining God is the speaker. Have I lost you yet? Just see what I mean…

God says: You should let me love you, let me be the one to give you everything you want and need. Good love and protection, make me your selection, I’ll show you the way love is supposed to be. You should let me love you. You deserve better, girl. You know you deserve better. Your true beauty’s description looks so good that it hurts. You’re a dime plus ninety-nine and it’s a shame, you don’t even know what you’re worth.

God says: These fists will always protect you. Let my love adorn you. And this mind will never neglect you. The same way that the stars adorn the skies. Gotta let my love adorn you.

And what if this was our song to the Lord?
It’ll take at least a million years
To give you everything that you give to me
I can’t see me without you

I wear my heart on my sleeve and I don’t care who sees
I just wanna give you love
Through the storm, through the rain
You can take everything cause it don’t mean a thing
If I don’t have your love
you are the one thing I can’t lose
I’m nothing without you

You make me wanna be a better (wo)man
Everyday I get up and go to work for you
I just wanna please you
Flowers, cotton candy, diamond rings, shopping sprees
Will never add up to the love you give to me

Plus the beats are bangin’. Do you have any favorite songs that help you relate to God?